By Brady Tighe
“All things meant to be destroyed, all moments meant to pass.”
It’s impossible to not listen to the new Against Me! album without thinking about the band’s lead singer Laura Jane Grace, and her recent announcement that she is transgender. And why would you be thinking about anything else? This is an album that slams face fucking first into those issues without a care for the safety of the listener, and bravo for it. This is an album of musical catharsis, a punk rock personal rebellion, and an outpouring of rage at this shitty intolerant world, with a few side trips down roads with dark turns thrown in for good measure. These songs aren’t leaden with the usual punk rock issues of cheap beer, cheap women, and the overarching and ever domineering presence of The Man. This is bigger than that, and when you have a punk album that becomes bigger than that, you risk the album becoming a convoluted mess, yet this album instead stands as a monument of victory for the band and for Grace, a monument in the shape of a gigantic middle finger.
Against Me! was always a cool band, but I don’t think they were ever this flat out good, or this pissed off. They aren’t fucking around, and this whole album is tempered in that feeling. They’re not fucking around lyrically, they aren’t fucking around with their guitars, they aren’t fucking around with filler songs, and Laura Jane Grace certainly isn’t fucking around as she pisses on walls and cuts off fat fucking fingers.
Cheers to this band. So few people seem to say something in music these days, and even less would have the sheer guts to say something like this as loud as this says it. We live in a world that isn’t in anyway tolerant, open, or welcoming. We have a long damn way to come. I mean, I couldn’t even buy this album in HMV without having to look at some sickening censored cover. This album is a three chords and a message in the right direction.
Go buy it. Listen to Black Me Out and the title track till you possibly couldn’t any more. Then spend some time on the middle songs. There isn’t a dud in the bunch. And when you’re done, turn those clapping hands into angry balled fists, and let’s change a few things around here.
In Addition: As a CIS gendered man, I have CIS gendered man privilege. If any of the language I have used to describe a person of transgender identification is offensive or incorrect, please let me know.
TRACK LISTING:
- Transgender Dysphoria Blues
- True Trans Soul Rebel
- Unconditional Love
- Drinking With the Jocks
- Osama Bin Laden as the Crucified Christ
- Fuckmylife666
- Dead Friends
- Two Coffins
- Paralytic States
- Black Me Out
Oh man, this movie is just batshit enough to get through, which is great because the acting is pretty hammy and the child actor is … my least favorite in a very long time. That being said, I rather enjoyed this, and some of the effects are crazy and .. pretty gross. So if you love watching people get chased by miracle whip and dying hilariously this is the movie for you. Plus, considering “the stuff” comes out of the ground… it might be the best case for GMOs that I’ve ever seen. If these people had eaten non organic they wouldn’t have had these troubles. ****
So… Ghoulies was something special. Now, based on the cover, the title and the synopsis, I initially thought this was going to be sort of like a darker, grosser Gremlins.. however, its about..black magic, and satan worship and a young man who learns black magic for no reason while looking for information on his father… or something. The ‘Ghoulies’ really don’t have TONS to do in this movie, but I really wish they did. It’s watchable enough though, and really strange. ***
Well, this one was just fine. Wes Craven helmed, very serviceable voodoo horror flick. Nothing especially wonderful about it though. Pullman is not exactly the best choice when it comes to leading men, I didn’t really find him especially interesting and it hurt the story. Plus, the whole voodoo horror thing has never been a personal favorite. That being said, its fun, creepy and worth watching if you haven’t seen it yet, and really love Wes Craven. **
Pumpkinhead, as far as I can tell is a sequel to Erasherhead which focuses on that weird alien-mutated-calf baby that shows up part way through as an adult. A very pissed off, vengeful spirit of an adult. A joke, but honestly, it made me laugh writing it. Seriously though, Pumpkinhead is a fine 80s monster movie, with some great actors and a fun creature design. Some of the notes fall a little flat, but all in all, if you’re a fan of 80s creatures, and Lance Henriksen, this is one I’d recommend. ***
Alright, well 1986’s HOUSE is about as middle of the road as haunted-house movies get for me. It’s… just fine. A watchable mix of 80s cheese, the occasional creepy moment, but all in all it was almost too light. Maybe that was the intention, but it just didn’t work for me over all. Also, the movie as a whole felt a bit disjointed, and some of it didn’t make sense at all. Now, that being said, if you’ve seen everything on Netflix, and aren’t quite ready to move on to Creep Van, or the Asylum movies, this is a fine one to watch. ***
Oh..John Carpenter you beautiful bastard. Once again, John delivers the FULL ON 80s cheese, that we have come to love and expect. This one is great, and I still can’t believe it took me so long to see it. I will say, at first I rolled my eyes at the pretty heavy handed “society is broken” metaphor, but pretty quickly stopped caring. I did briefly toy with the idea that perhaps this movie was ACTUALLY about a homeless guy who just snapped one day and started killing people at random, kind of like Falling Down with aliens and a sexy John Carpenter score. Either way, this is a must-see, and you won’t be sorry. ****
Now, I’m a person who enjoys a found footage movie. I’ve stopped asking “WHY ARE THEY STILL FILMING”. This, however, was harder to do that for. Frankenstein’s Army is set… at the end of World War II… so in this case my question wasn’t Why, so much as HOW they were filming… in crisp, clear HD with onboard sound THAT BEING SAID: the creature design in this movie is fantastic and original. That does make the movie worth watching. I just had a harder time getting all the way on board, the camera not making sense really brought me out of it. It would have been easily 100 times better as a traditional movie. **
I’ll admit, this technically isn’t a HORROR movie, but jesus did it cause me fear and anxiety. Which, last time I checked, was exactly the point. If you weren’t already deathly afraid of space and the endless hell that it was… this movie will do the trick. I checked it out in IMAX 3D, and I really have to recommend you do the same if you’re able. It’s a fantastic, and terrifying movie and stars the never-disappointing George Clooney and the enjoyable Sandra Bullock. I recommend it for those of you looking for a fresh vision of hell. *****
Alright, well this is the second in the series, and already I can start to see the series shifting to the slightly more ridiculous. That being said, this movie is a whole load of fun, and hasn’t broken down to the cartoonish nonsense that Seed and Bride were. They also really upped the animation game in terms of the doll and the effects are quite good. My only real issue was some of the sillier aspects of the story, however once I gave myself the reminder of “Well, its a movie about a doll possessed by a murderer who practiced voodoo..soo…” — I was ready to get back into it.I enjoyed it enough that I’ll probably be checking out the third one as well. **
Well this one is pretty under-the-radar as far as 2013’s movies go. No theatrical release, no major advertising, no…nothing. Which is a genuine shame. This flick starring Willem Dafoe and Anton Yelchin. Based on a novel by Dean Koontz about a young man who has an inside line to the dead, and has a way of knowing when trouble is coming. I really didn’t know what to expect from this one, and it came as a recommendation from my girlfriend, I avoided the trailers and just went in blind. It’s creepy, disturbing and heartbreakingly sad. It’s also slick and flashy (think.. Zombieland) but so so so worth the watch. Check this movie out if you can. ***
Oh man, if you love crazy 80s movies, lots of violence, babes, frats, and Tom Atkins, you need to see this movie. This is the movie that tought me once and for all that Tom Atkins is a badass. So, this zombie / alien movie is absolutely out of control and includes everything you love about the 80s. On top of all of that, our hero, Tom Atkins, speaks 99% in catch phrases and is the most grizzled police officer of all police officers in the history of time. Plus, our two lead characters are goofy and lovable enough to get you through the movie. There are a couple of gross zombie pets, and a whole bunch of head explosions. Check out this 80s masterpiece. *****
Alright gang, we are going all the way back to the far off (and hilariously dated) year of 1958 for this fantastic Steve McQueen sci fi horror movie. It’s sort of hilarious watching this movie in 2013, and seeing the huge differences in how people react to, and treat each other. I will say that the movie has long breaks of talking, and not a ton of Blob-ing, but its a really fun movie and Steve Mcqueen is one slick son of a bitch. Check this one out. It’s a classic. ****
Well, this is an extremely fun, campy vampire flick from the 80s, we recently saw it remade starring Colin Farrell, David Tenant and Anton Yelchin. This one is not nearly as dark as the remake, but it is a whole bunch of fun, and has some really fun and gross effects that make this one well worth the watch. I personally really like both versions, for entirely different reasons. Plus, I gotta say, I got a genuine scare from the vampired girlfriend at the end of this one. Awesome 80s camp! ****
Ah yes, the lightly anticipated sequel to The Collector. This is much of the same for people who saw the first one. I will say that it’s worth it for the opening slaughter at a party, but beyond that it’s just another movie that isn’t Saw, but sure looks and feels like Saw. That being said, it’s not a WASTE of time, just .. y’know, don’t put it at the top of any lists. Watch some other stuff on this list first. Then maybe, if you have time, get to this one. I wasn’t bored, but it wasn’t much in the way of interesting horror fare, and has a bit of a groaner ending too. **
Alright, back to the early days of 1992, it’s Francis Ford Coppola’s Bram Stoker’s Dracula. It’s all around a pretty good movie, however it is carried completely on the shoulders of Gary Oldman. Keanu Reeves does NOT have the acting chops to play a british man, and, well, Winona just kinda… slumbers through the movie. That being said, Gary Oldman is fantastic as Dracula, and succeeds in almost making you feel bad for him. The effects are great, the movie is creepy, and it’s worth the watch. I will say though, if you haven’t seen the silent film Nosferatu, watch that one first. Then watch this. ***
Oh man, I really don’t want to say too much about this one because it’s just so bizarre and not at all what you think it’s going to be. Basically, this is a movie about a pair of hitmen who are hired to do some hitman work. It’s brutal, intense, bizarre, dark, and uncomfortable. It’s in english, but there are some really thick accents here, I almost threw on the subtitles just so I could properly understand. If you’re good with thick accents, and you don’t mind violence this is the one for you. It’s a really excellent movie, and I will say not technically a HORROR movie, but it sure has some horror elements. Check this out. *****
This is a strange one, and I believe the most recent on this list so far. I had no real idea what to expect watching it, but I’ll start with the fact that it’s not REALLY a horror movie. It’s creepy, dark at times, and all around really interesting. This one is about a couple who infiltrate a cult in the interest of a documentary where they meet Maggie, who is allegedly from the future. Not a movie for people who don’t like open endings, but an interesting movie for people who like cult movies but have already seen Martha, Marcy May, Marlene. ***
Alright, this one comes to us from the tender year of 1982 and stars the wonderful Barbara Hershey. The movie is pretty heavy and intense, it is the ‘true story’ of a woman who is repeatedly and aggressively raped by an unseen force. While the story did hold much in terms of being especially believable, it’s still a great ghost movie. The visual effects are fantastic, and the movie is unsettling and intense. I would say that the wrong person is made to be the real-world villain, but hey, that’s just me. ***
Alright, this one is for you fine folks who like your movies brutal, and in french. The back of this movie says “The french answer to Saw & Hostel” and that’s basically what this is. It manages to keep a solid story and have character that are interesting enough to get through. It is extremely violent, very disturbing and well worth the watch. This movie succeeds in being more interesting than Hostel, which is kind of nice. Anyways, like I said, worth the watch if you like ’em brutal. Also, there are subtitled, so there’s that. *****
Oh man, Brain Dead, not to be confused with the 1992 movie Dead Alive (aka Brain Dead) which is absolutely fantastic. This movie stars two people I confuse for each other al the time Bill Pullman and Bill Paxton and is a total god damn snooooooooooooooooooze. Admittedly, my being bored by this movie could be a result of every twist being done to death, especially this one, but it is just not engaging and I really didn’t find myself interested in it at all. I would recommend this one to HUGE Pullman and Paxton fans, who just need to see everything they do… other than that, i’d pass. Definitely check out Dead Alive though, that movie is crazy. **
This movie is GREAT. We’re going all the way back to the old-days with this guy, but I really enjoyed it. Vincent Price’s voice alone is enough to get you through it. Plus, it’s a genuinely creepy film, and the opening scene of the wax museum on fire has some very bizarre and creepy images. Not to mention, there are some very cool effects, considering the time, and I wish I’d seen this one in 3D as well. I will say this, it is more charming and interesting without Paris Hilton, HOWEVER, you also don’t get Paris Hilton’s AWESOME death scene, so it’s a trade off that plagues me. All in all, a fun classic, worth your time, especially for the sultry sounds of Price’s voice. ***
Alright, this is the last of the Friday movies I’ll be watching for this, FINALLY we get the mask we’ve been waiting for. This one also is the silliest so far. Weird feuds with crazy townie thugs, plus the 3D make it pretty silly right away. I watched a 2D version, but mark my words, I will be watching it again in 3D. It’s a fun slasher movie, and jason is an ICON. You’ll definitely enjoy it, and I’m not mad I watched it. God bless all of these for not being 2 hours long. All in all, these last 3 movies sold me on this franchise, and I will see them all. A whole bunch of fun. ***
Alright, well, I figured I would check out a few of the Friday the 13th flicks for this little project, and it has inspired me to watch the rest, though, maybe after October. I don’t want to bog down this post with Ft13th movies. Anyways, this one has baghead Jason (pictured), and I honestly didn’t realize it was two entire movies before the iconic hockey mask arrives… either way, this one is a lot of fun and continues to set up this excellent mythology of Jason, while keeping the 80s slasher fun alive and beautiful. Some fun kills, hilarious 80s characters, and really, everything you want in a movie from this time. I’m sure you’ve all seen it, so I don’t have to say too much, but I loved it. ****
This one is a biggie, actually this whole series represents a HUGE gap in my horror movie watching. I can’t quite figure out why i missed these iconic movies, I did see the remake (which I loved), I saw Jason X, and I saw Freddy vs Jason… I just some how managed to miss the rest of them. It’s a scar on my movie watching resume, which I am rectifying. You’ll likely be seeing a few more of these. Anyways, I loved it, though wasn’t crazy about the absence of Jason (spoiler alert). Mrs. Vorhees is a fine villain, but I would have liked more. Also, I think I’ve realized why Kevin Bacon is less famous than Johnny Depp… Depp had a substantially more interesting death in Nightmare. ****
Alright, this was a tough watch. I mean that in the best possible way. I really hated the remake of this movie, and it’s part of the reason I decided to skip out on the original. This movie is harrowing and intense. I really makes the remake look sleazy and cheap. I really enjoyed this movie, the characters are interesting, there are people that I can get invested in in it, and there is some of the absolute greatest dog acting in the history of all movies ever. A great movie, deserving of its “classic” status. Plus just such good dog acting, seriously, it’s incredible. . *****
Holy sweet mother of jesus. This instantly became one of my new favorite horror movies. It is batshit crazy, wildly 80s and honestly just one of the strangest horror movies I think I have ever seen. Complete with horrible, lecherous old men, wild and evil teenagers, a completely insane mother. Plus, of course, a wallop of a twist that made my skin crawl. Plus, honestly, the last shot of the movie is one of the scariest still frames that I can ever remember. It made me cringe, and wish it would just end. Watch this movie. Seriously, you won’t regret it. Plus, I’d really love to hear your reactions to this one. *****
Zzzzzzzzzzz…. Oh sorry, was I supposed to be writing something? Oh yeah, Phantasm… Yeah, I didn’t like this one. Something about a horror movie that thinks an awful lot of itself really bothers me. Also, dragged on a hell of a long time, and the most interesting thing in the entire movie, the floating sphere with blades and a drill, makes ONE appearance. All in all, I was bored, and I don’t plan to pick up the sequels. Skip it, that’s my thoughts on this one. If you’re a huge fan, or love the sequels or whatever, feel free to post your hateful comments in the space provided, but this just did nothing for me, nothing at all. Sorry TALL MAN. *
And this one marks the first that I have watched so far that I didn’t care all that much for. I am a huge fan of the whole religous-horror subset of horror, and this had all the potential to be a great one. A relatively interesting story, an excellent performance from Viggo Mortinsen, and a wonderfully weird Christopher Walken… all in all though, the movie was too long and took itself way too seriously. I really wanted to enjoy it, but found myself bored and uninterested for the vast majority of the movie. Seriously though, Viggo as the devil is worth the watch, if you’re comfortable with being bored for a pretty solid 2 hours. **
This is another one that falls under “I saw a couple of sequels and didn’t bother”. Now, this one is certainly better than the sequels, and in all honesty, I found it kind of funny. It’s the weakest of the 3 movies that I’m reviewing today, and I’m okay with that. This is a gore-soaked 90s horror movie, and Wishmaster has some pretty hilarious quips throughout. My thought was that it was written by someone who didn’t think Hellraiser had quite enough jokes in it. (Hilariously, I found out after that this was written by the fella who wrote several of the Hellraiser sequels) .. Anyways, if you like your movies cheesy, bloody and ridiculous, you could do worse than Wishmaster. **
I know, I know. “How have you NOT SEEN THIS MOVIE?” right? This is one of those series that I saw the sequels of, and never bothered to go back to where it all started. Though I must say, after watching this, I really wish I had. Just the right amount of ‘creepy dolls’ and hilarious quips. It makes sense that this flick had so many sequels and that Chucky became such an icon in horror. I will say, a stand out section of this movie for me, was burnt Chucky, his appearance and … well everything about him after he had been set on fire in the apartment at the end of the movie, really upped the scary for me. Made the whole thing even more worth while. ****
Alright, this one I had heard all kinds of things about, and had never gotten around to. So I finally did, and I have to say… considering this movie has NOTHING to do with the previous or subsequent Halloween movies, it’s pretty awesome. It actually made me wish that the original plan for the Halloween series (to make all of them unrelated) had actually happened. Though, this would have needed to be the second movie, not the third. Either way, besides a cringey sex-scene I recommend this one. ***
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